Tuesday, 30 August 2011


"OMG," said Doctor Scott.

"I literally LMFAO," said Kay.

Kay was admitted to St Mary's hospital. There, a lovely nurse fitted him a new ass but warned that he would no longer be able to bathe or use a hottub. And his TV reception might be affected but that hardly ever happened.

When Kay got home, he stood at his computer and unfollowed all those who might ever tweet funny content but especially @tommycm.

Wednesday, 3 August 2011


There follows an extract from something I'm trying to write  -

I should have said – I wasn’t wearing any trousers. And there was blood, a CRIMSON POOL and dark and dried about my left knee like I was a bastard soldier. No trousers. Just boxer shorts. Feet covered in plastic bags. My friend in the telephone box. And waiting for Dad. An unsual Sunday morning. That’s the set up.

If you passed in your Ford Mondeo, you wouldn't see much to my face. It was blank and it was blank because I was tired and disappointed and fed up with Dave and I knew that accompanying Dad in the inevitable Volvo was an almighty bollocking.